Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Hold up! Let me catch my breath...

Its been crazy out here! No I mean really crazy. I have not had time to blog, nor even think around the things I could post for my 'Photo a day' theme. I am five days behind and I look at that list and go WTF?! Its been work, its been school, its been my life. I feel confused and overwhelmed on most days, if not down, depressed and wanting to scream. But I manage to keep a straight face when I am around people. After all the lesson from my parents that even when I am very hungry and there is no food at home, the whole world does not need to know. I must clean myself up, apply Vaseline on my dry whitened lips and walk out there with my head held up high.

This has been a lesson, even though hard, that has been applied to many areas of my life. When my relationships are at an all time low and I hurt tremendously inside, I still face the world with a brave face and wonder if anyone can see through it. Even when I have no money in my pocket and my bank account, and I watch people going around wasting money. I smile right through it, and encourage them to enjoy their riches. Even when I cannot stand a day at work, I remember the contract I signed and my responsibility to a student out there who does not even know I exist, and I work hard.

I have so much more to say, but knowing myself, I might just tell you all my deepest and darkest secrets. But I will tell you, I want to be happy! I want to be happy all the time. I want to be successful, I want to reap the rewards of all that I have invested in life. I want to make people around me smile, make them happy. I want to be important, all the time. I want to be the only girl in his heart. I want to have friends I can count on, always. I want loyalty. I want faith. I want to dream and not fear my dreams. I want my mum and dad to see the dreams they have for me and my siblings. I want to have a child, who looks like me and his/ her father. I want to love him forever. I want to take walks at the beach, and lie in the sand. I want to travel and see the world. I want to stay faithful to that which my heart decides on. I want to be free from the consequences of people's actions. I want to change, be a better person everyday. I want LoveLoveLove, deep Love. I want to be (un)selfish. I want to be considerate. I want people to treat me the way that I treat them. I want to be considered. I want to be held high by someone. I want someone to be faithful to me always, never tiring. I want to be understood, I want to learn. I want to experience the beauty (and ugliness) of life. I want to stay young.

I want to live, forever.


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Thanks for sharing your thoughts, much appreciated.